My Strange Journey

It’s been hard to post again, because at first I was overwhelmed with what I wanted to say…then I was overwhelmed with work. After a while, it becomes harder and harder to write, because you want to make up for the lost time with a brilliant post. You think you can post something good later, when you are not so busy or tired. But I really miss posting, so I am not going to wait for a flash of brilliance (since I have so few!)

Wow.

I wrote before that I had hurt my right leg, and then my back. As time went on things got worse. I strained a muscle in my left leg (the good one!). Then I had a strange bump in my leg, which they weren’t sure what it was at first. So I had to get a bunch of tests done. It turns out that I got an infection in my leg. I was basically stuck in bed for three weeks, although I did try to go to work once or twice, and I went to the hospital many times.

So I was stuck in bed, lying on my back because I couldn’t sleep on my side, and walking was a real chore. And then, my computer, iPod, and fan broke all on the same day!

That is when things got really interesting…

It turns out that my computer’s power switch was faulty. There was a number I could call to have them pick it up and fix it, but it was more than I could deal with. And to be honest, I really needed to unplug. I had so much time to think. And especially at first, I was getting almost no sleep because of my back, so I was really having some vivid dreams and visions!

After I got better, I took my computer in and got it fixed. It took me three weeks to get it in, but only one day to get it fixed. But sometimes, you just have to turn off all the distractions and enjoy the silence. To be honest, I didn’t miss my computer that much, for the most part. While I was resting in the beginning, I didn’t know what was going on, or how serious it was. The pain didn’t bother me as much as the feeling of helplessness.

I spent a lot of time resting. Breathing deeply. Reading. Clearing my mind. I didn’t eat much. You could say it was a mental and physical fast, though I didn’t completely go without food. I felt very relaxed and at peace. I thought a lot about my future. After so many days, weeks, and months of always rushing and hurrying, I had to finally STOP and just BE. I had to listen to my body. And that was the best thing that could have come out of this. I really felt like my body was telling me to stop and rest.

I can’t really describe that time, or what it was like. Already, much of what I felt and thought has faded, and “reality” has supplanted the peaceful isolation I enjoyed. But I feel fundamentally changed. I have ignored my health and ignored my body for too long. I need to change. I need to be more true to myself. I need to hold on to at least some of the peacefulness and realizations I found.

I need to never completely forget the time I spent in bed.